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One Mo Week

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Mo Nation,

It is with great sadness that I write this blog. It is only now that I realize in one week this stache will be done, dusted, gone, kaput. While I am a more handsome man with it, all good things must go. I mean it loses its luster if it stays year round, right?

So starting tomorrow I will have some heavy hitting posts to send this Movember movement out with a bang. I hope ya’ll are ready for it.

Celebrity Stache of the Day:

So after 4 days of stuffing my face with holiday-related treats I made the genius idea that one gym session would negate it all. I would get after it. Run, push-ups, pull-ups, sit-ups, run, drink some water and run some more. Well after approximately  8 minutes and 1/3 of a mile, I was about ready to keel over and die. Therefore, today’s CSotD was easy peasy:

Steve Prefontaine can run a mile faster than I can do a lot of things, like tie my shoes, spell my name or ride a bike that distance. And for that, I stroke my stache to you.

Thank you all for reading and please get ready for a good week o’ bloggin’. If you feel so inclined, please click here to make a modest donation to my cause!

Your favorite Mo Bro,

Whitey

Mo Comb

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Mo Nation,

As I am sure you are all wondering, the mo is coming along great! It’s long enough to use my moustache comb for grooming purposes.

Dedications, shoutouts and details to come tomorrow!

Celebrity Stache of the Day:

Who’s got that reup? If you do, you better watch out. Omar is comin!

The blogs will pick up again soon, I assure you. Enjoy the time with the family! Since you don’t have to pay for food all weekend, maybe you could send some of that saved money my way!

Your favorite Mo Bro,

Whitey

Gobble Gobble, ya’ll!

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Mo Nation,

Judging by my recent activity, bloggers aren’t the only ones who take the holiday off. So do blog followers. So on a night that I selfishly take for myself, I give nothing more than a CSotD…

Celebrity Stache of the Day:

How do I close my favorite holiday of the year? By watching episodes of a great, forgotten television show:

Thank you, David Chapelle for providing us with endless holiday humor and for that, along with spawning one of my favorite rap freestyles of all time, I stroke my stashe to you…

Dont worry, Mo Nation. I don’t ask for donations on holidays. I’m just happy to be! I am thankful for my moustache, my family and specifically my niece, Jocelyn who is literally the cutest human that ever existed:

Your favorite Mo Bro,

Whitey

MOses

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Mo Nation,

For the past several days, I had been prepared for the worst. The worst traveling day of the year that is. I was told that there would be lines longer to get beer at a Bon Jovi concert. I was told that I was most likely going to get strip searched by security guards and that if I didn’t sleep over at the airport last night then I would be at risk of missing my winged mode of transport. “(Magestic Sigh) Don’t even bother taking public transport. If you don’t take a cab you will get deported,” one friend said.

I will recap my trip:

11:00 am – I leave for the airport a half hour late fearful that I am going to have trouble making my 1pm flight.

11:04 – I get to the Redline T stop

11:05 – T arrives

11:09 – I arrive to the Silver Line Airport Transfer

11:10 – Train arrives

11:23 – Arrive at Terminal A for my Delta flight

11:28 – I get to the ID check at security

11:38 – I am through the security checkpoint

So less than 40 minutes from locking my front door in Beacon Hill, I am walking up to my gate. How is this possible? you may ask. The only explanation that I have is that my moustache has Moses-like qualities and parted all lines and potential obstacles. For that I am thankful.

But that’s not all, Mo Nation. There was one perk that might have been even better. Apparently in an open-seated flight, no one wants to sit next to the blonde dude with a bushy black moustache. So all in all, I would say my travel was about as smooth as it possibly could have been. For those of you who didn’t have quite such good luck, I encourage you to grow a mo!

Celebrity Stache of the Day:

Alright my friends, I have held out for as long as I possibly could have. For some reason I have avoided acknowledging this man as long as possible. Why? I’m not sure. But here he is, apparently long overdue:

 

Nothing says America like a flag and a roided out WWF wrestler. For raising a family crazier than the Osbornes and making a sex tape, which I am literally too petrified to watch, is why I stroke my stache to you today, Hulk!

I hope you all traveled safe and finally have the nerve to talk to that girl you always had a crush on in high school when you see her at the local pub tonight. If you want to be a reason for me to give thanks tomorrow, please go to my MoBro site and made a donation! Thank you all for reading.

Your favorite Mo Bro,

Whitey

MOron

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Mo Nation,

So I have posted a link from philly.com each of the last couple days because of how much it infuriated me. Please have a read:

Moron journalist attempts to write about Movember

I mean what it really comes down to i that this guy, Justin D’Ancona is essentially an embarrassment to journalism. I am not sure which community college he got his degree from, but I can’t imagine anyone wants to take credit for mentoring this guy’s Pulitzer Prize winning piece here. Lets look at the facts:

FACT: There are currently 1,082,243 Movember participants

FACT: The participants have raised $59,469,540 in the last 30 days

FACT: There are no reported cases of linking serious instances of hospital-treated diseases and moustaches over this stretch. AND

FACT: This guy has taken what is an incredible charity (please click ‘The Movement’ button above to freshen up on the deets) and completely neglected alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll of the good things it has done, but instead grasps at straws in attempt to find the one potential negative associated with it.

Does anyone want to assist me in bursting Justin’s bubble that the moustache was invented (most likely in Upstate NY) a couple years before 2003 when Movember was founded? While we’re at it we can inform him that Santa Claus isn’t real and Milli Vinilli were actually lip-syncing. What perplexes me even more is that 3 people liked this article on Facebook. I don’t think I am irrational when I say that if Justin (the Pied Piper of three Facebook lunatics) had it his way, he would probably abolish Movember for the sake of its health risks. To appease him, I will make sure to be incubated in my hyperbaric chamber at all times until I rid myself of this facial accessory that apparently started the Plague. The final line is my favorite:

“But hey, its for a good cause, right?” NICE SAVE, Tony Meola!

So like I said, I have been furious about this and have been hemming and hawing as to my best course of response. I wanted to write the nastiest possible thing I could think of. Then I wanted to take the high ground. But then I decided it was best, and in the true spirit of the blog for me to ridicule  Justin D’Anoca find the humor in it. In fact, I think my ideas will actually help him. I am going to give him my top three topics as to what his next journalistic masterpieces should be written about. As they relate to health obviously. These are free, Justin, so take full advantage of them. I can only imagine that your monthly paychecks don’t match the mile-long creative leash they have given you, so this won’t eat into your budget to pay off those ’93 Camaro payments you just can’t seem to rid yourself of. (Pardon my digression, I had to take a couple swings below the belt). So here they are (all concluding with a happy positive twist):

Three:

The charity RIF, or Reading is Fundamental staffs thousands of volunteers nationwide. What people don’t realize is that the rate of literacy deterioration of volunteers far exceeds any gains of the illiterate they teach. Therefore, by dumbing themselves down, the volunteers have harder times reading street signs and become a hazard to everyone on the road. But I guess if they are taking public transportation they could still volunteer.

Two:

In the field of mental health, parents should discourage their sons from participating in breast cancer awareness. By wearing pink they are susceptible to the stigma and correlation between males wearing pink and homophobia. While they may be wearing David Ortiz’ game-worn wristband from Mother’s day or just a pink t shirt promoting the cause, the risks of mental scarring are just too great. But heck, maybe I’d allow it if they’ve had a family member affected.

And the winner is:

Because of the growing obesity epidemic, the point of mild fatigue is reached much faster these days. Therefore, you should think twice prior to volunteering your services in the Hurricane Sandy relief effort. That said, if you want to put someone before yourself, I guess I can’t stop you.

Those, Justin, are gold! And with that said, I have determined you deserve no more of my keyboard finger-striking.

Celebrity Stache of the Day:

I needn’t say anything about this man. I simply just stroke my stache to you!

And that is all for today, Mo Nation. Please keep reading and passing on to your friends and family. Safe travels this weekend and eat, eat, eat! And while you’re stuck at the airport, go to my MoBro page and donate!

Your favorite Mo Bro,

Whitey

I got a fever! And the only perscription is Movember!

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Mo Nation,

I have decided that I need one more day to let the rage subside from yesterday’s article that I posted about (http://www.philly.com/philly/health/179697021.html). It honestly got me all worked up the couple times I thought about it. I guess when you believe in a cause so much, you tend not to even want to acknowledge the alternative views.

So instead, I am going to try and lift everyone’s spirits with a little Movember happiness.

http://www.examiner.com/article/movember-becoming-cultural-phenomenon

Celebrity Stache of the Day:

For a man that was always known for his facial hair and honesty (no coincidence those go together), it’s a shame Abe Lincoln didn’t ever have just a moustache. For if he did, today, the anniversary of his Gettysburg Address, I would have no choice but to name him CSotD. But because he didn’t, I will have to go with my second choice, a man who was almost as influential to his native country as Lincoln:

NIIIICE!

Now I didn’t necessarily mean his influence was a good thing. But heck, name one other person who has globalized Kazakhstan the way Borat did. If it weren’t him, I wouldn’t know that their number one export is potassium. So for that I stroke my stashe to you, Borat.

Thank you for reading today. The fu manchu is gone and the only thing left is the stashe. I’ve shed my wings. Stay tuned tomorrow to hear more about it. In the meantime, please take a second to go to my mobro page and make a modest  donation. I promise you it will be worth it!

Your favorite Mo Bro,

Whitey

Momework!

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Mo Nation,

I will start by proudly boasting that my Mo Roadshow compliment tally hit two today! I was walking in the gas station outside of Manlius, NY when a mustachioed man gave me a nod as he walked out. He didn’t have to say anything. Mo Bro’s have a strong unspoken connection. It was a compliment and we both knew it. I happily reciprocated and carved another notch in my compliment belt.

On a more serious note, I was sent a link to a Movember article that was less than desirable to read. It really made my blood boil and frankly, I don’t want to get too revved up on a Sunday night. Therefore, I am going to ask you to read the article and then tune in again tomorrow where you can read my very heated, mean-spirited rebuttal  to his moronic piece of e-trash calm, objective response to his educating article. Enjoy your homework!

http://www.philly.com/philly/health/179697021.html

Celebrity Staches of the Day:

In an unprecedented move, I am going to give the nod to a duo today. I mean it just didn’t feel right to give it to one and not the other:


Mario & Luigi were plumbers by day and video game protagonists by night. While I was a huge fan of the original, I’ll admit my favorite is the ever-popular spinoff, Mario Kart. To this day, its the only video game I have ever claimed to be good at. And for that I stroke my stache to you two colorful Mo Bros.

Please tune in tomorrow for my spirited response. In the meantime, pop on to my mobro page to check on my fund-raising progress. Feel free to contribute if you don’t like the figure!

Your favorite Mo Bro,

Whitey